The Soul's Desire
by heeta.j
Summary: Erik, Christine, and Raoul all carried their share of pain since that night. But when the content couple are told of the Phantom's death, life as they knew it shatters into pieces. Seventeen years later, will Christine find her lost love amidst her newly found freedom? Will Erik find his lost heart amidst the turmoil it has suffered. Will Raoul finally find peace?
1. Chapter 1

**AN: I do not like ANs, especially at the top because I find them cumbersome. But I just want to disclaim a few obvious and some not so obvious things. So you can choose to read my story this note onwards. The Phantom of the Opera belongs to Mr. Leroux; Ms. Kay and Mr. ALW borrowed his plot and added their extra characters and stories to it. I will be doing the same to them (alas as a fanfic where I do not make a dime). Last but not the least, ALW's music made me fall in love with the Phantom. In other words, if it weren't for the opera, I would not be such a huge Phan. So expect an ALW aesthetic for phandom, Kay's characters for convenience, and my personification of them for a story that I would like to read.**

 **This FanFiction was inspired by authors like TMara, and Filhound who have written a few second chance EC stories after C marries Raoul. My favourite though is** ** _The Chain Unbroken,_** **by inkblottales.**

 **At first, I avoided reading such stories like a plague because how dare Christine marry Raoul. But then I read TCU, and I got hooked on such stories.**

 **But my contention of such stories, especially the long ones is that both EC, especially Erik forgive each other way too easily. And I do not mean easy forgiveness in the sense of that they should keep insulting each other. Just that forgiveness can also mean something that ends up in friendship, rather than a romantic relationship. Granted this is an EC romance.**

 **My other contention is how Raoul is not explored, and let's be honest he** ** _is_** **a main character. And I like him quite a lot. I think ALW making him a drunkard, and poor in LND is very very interesting and quite possible. But Raoul's abuse** ** _can_** **be hard to believe without a valid explanation. And I personally do not think Raoul is that weak minded that the upper class's rejection of an "alien" is what makes him abusive towards Christine in their marriage. It could perhaps add to the main reason, but it can't be a reason in itself. And I want to see where I can go with such a asymmetrical Raoul between POTO and LND. And that is exactly what we are starting the story with.**

 **I was writing POTO one shots for stress relieving, but a lot of them were ending up into bigger plots. Especially ones involving Erik and Christine's children. So I am bringing alll of that together in one historical phanphic. A modern one is cooking in the back of my head, but we will see where this one goes. Plus, I am writing a PNR Greek myth romance (my main project that I hope to see on amazon one day), plus some trashy originals on Wattpad. Point being, updates will be far in between.**

 **THIS IS A ROUGH DRAFT AND/OR FREE WRITE. AKA, I HATE EDITING.**

 **Christine**

 _Two Months Later_

She had no one to go to. In her entire short life of seventeen summers, she had had four people who had cherished and loved her since she was a child. And all of them had gone away way too far, for her to ever reach them. At least in this lifetime.

Her papa, where the plague had taken him away, when she was a child of seven.

Her teacher, where their greed had separated them so bitterly.

Her friend, her _sister,_ little Meg, so aptly named for how petite and tiny the beautiful blonde was. She refused to believe what Madame Giry herself believed. She would stubbornly, perhaps foolishly, believe that Meg had simply run away with a boy she loved. Very likely in fear that her strict mother would not approve. She could not allow herself, to accept that Meg was...was... She was not that strong. She could believe it for her Angel, but not little Meg who deserved nothing but happiness.

And then their was her angel, where her foolishness had wounded him into death. It was unbearable to think it, as the tears silently trickled down her cheeks. She knew it was useless to try and stop them.

And now she has left the only man who could have supported her, her husband where she could have shamelessly buried her sins, and lived a life on comfort. But she did not deserve it, but she also no longer wanted it. Perhaps she never did. And thus she had left him, a place that was most envious, and yet she found it be the most empty.

She was alone, without a single sou to her name. With the only clothes on her back that Madame Giry had last bought her. The dear woman who had been nothing but a mother to her. The same woman who had villfied her, the day they both had lost Meg.

She could have beared it all if Erik were alive. She had prayed that her Angel could find someone more deserving, even if she could not want it completely, she wanted it for him. Someone who could wipe his painful memories of her. But he had not been given that chance in life, someone who would love him completely. She had failed in showing him that, but she would not fail him now. She had not been faithful to their love, but she would honour it now.

By going to the place where it had all begun. Where her Erik's life had started, and where it had ended.

She only wished that Raoul would understand. That he would not make the same mistakes she had. That he could find the person he was meant to love, and be happy with her.

Only if she had known, that what she left had behind would ruin more lives. That another innocent would bleed, and this time there would be no phantom to blame. The blame would solely be her's and Raoul's.

X

 _Dear Raoul,_

 _My beloved knight, I could never return all that your generous heart has done for me. The only thing, I can do now is to tell you the truth. A truth that will hurt us both. But while it may condemn me for life, I know that it will set you free. And one day perhaps you may find reason to appreciate that freedom. I do wish upon you all possible happiness, a happiness I will never be capable of giving you._

 _The truth my dear Raoul is that I am a liar. I lied to you, to others, myself, and to him. Yes, as you must have guessed, the Phantom._

 _He is the only one who understood my pain in a lonely world, and as years went by between mon Ange and me, he became my soul's calling._

 _A calling, I refuted, denied, crushed, and most regrettably betrayed ever since mon Ange showed himself to me._

 _I married not his enemy Raoul. You never were his enemy. I made him mine, because the world taught me to do so. Because my pride would not let me forget his rage. A world that I have come to despise Raoul, and with it I hate myself more. I most willingly let this world's calling steal him from me. A world that I find I no longer care for at all. I cannot care for a world that has treated my Angel so, so poorly._

 _And most regrettably, myself._

 _Yes, it is true that my love for him was not strong enough. But it is also true that he is the only one that my wretched heart is capable of loving._

 _I tried, so desperately to change my heart Raoul. To love you the way I did him. And when things turned terrific, I convinced myself that I could. Simply to punish him for a crime, which I now realize he could never truly be guilty of._

 _I have always regretted it Raoul. Leaving him behind that night so long ago. The guilt ate at me. My love for him tore me up. But I stayed by your side because I had allowed God to bind us in a way that should never be broken until our deaths._

 _The day, I said I do. I knew my heart. I had the chance and yet I acted the coward. Wishing that he would come once more to save me from an unwanted marriage. But he never did. What a fool I was to expect such anyway. Thrice he had come to me, only to bear my rejection and betrayal. The last one being the most horrendous. I offered my Angel on platter to death. The man I loved, Raoul. The one who was my world._

 _The night that should have completed us one, made me feel as if I had committed a sin. And it always has felt that way._

 _Every minute, I stayed in this marriage I caused him pain Raoul. But I did it for you, you didn't deserve to be betrayed Raoul. Not you, never you._

 _But neither did he Raoul, and yet I kept on betraying him till this very moment. I betrayed the only man I loved, in favour for a man I cared for. And I continued with that betrayal till his dying moment._

 _Only because you are a good man, and he is,_ _ **was**_ _,_ _hardly that. However, I_ _ **knew**_ _that he was not evil. But I wanted to believe it badly in order to justify my betrayal of him. While the truth is, I wanted to punish him because he had not trusted me. A fact, to my greatest grief, I have proved him right in._

 _But I no longer can Raoul. His death has not only shattered me, but has condemned me. I fervently wish to follow him, but I know I cannot do so. If I did, I risk the chance of loosing him for forever._

 _Perhaps if I am granted forgiveness in life, that feels a purgatory, than when the time for death arrives, than perhaps I would be fortunate to be reunited with him, with Erik._

 _I had accepted my loss of him in our lifetimes. I had no choice to accept what had been acheived because of my deeds._ _But not after, Raoul. I have carried a hope that when we came to that moment that life no longer holds us, I could return to where my souls belongs. Where it aches to be. The moment, came earlier, than I anticipated. I regret in causing you this pain. But never more than him. And the time has come for me to accept what has always been true. I belong to the phantom, and he was mine. And now I must show that it is true._

 _I took away his wife from him. I won't repeat the mistake by taking away his widow as well._

 _I do not ask for your forgiveness Raoul. Hate me if you must, I will understand. I simply beg that if you're fortunate to meet your soulmate, then do not let her go. Not as I so foolishly did._

 _I can only hope that in time, you will accept that we were never meant to be._

 _You always knew as well. Just as the Girys' did. Just as_ _ **he**_ _did._

 _Sincerement,_

 _Mrs. E. M. (nee Daaé)_

 _Post Script: I am a girl fortunate enough to have been De Chagny Vicomtesse, I thank you for thinking me worthy. I am so very sorry that I could not stand true to your faith._

 _Little Lotte._

 _X_

 **Comte De Chagny**

Raoul could not believe what he was reading. No. No. He did not disbelieve her love of her Angel. He had known. He always had. Perhaps, he had not accepted or realized the depth of her feelings towards the ghost. But he had truly believed that Christine _knew,_ that she accepted that her _Angel_ was a murdering criminal. That the madman, and the phantom was certainly mad, even if pitiable, but still a murderer.

Countless people had died ever since he and Christine had been reintroduced to each other. He ignored his conscious that whispered to him the truth of Joseph Buquet. Perhaps, the Phantom had not killed the stagehand.

And had he not tried to explain that very situation to his student? But Christine had appraised him of how she had run away countless times when the Phantom had tried to speak to her since the mysterious death of the stagehand.

He had not known the half-truth then, he was not even sure now he if he believed in the Phantom's innocence. But when he had found out about the Phantom's supposed alibi, it had been too late. Christine it seemed, wanted no part of her Angel. And he himself was a blind fool in love, to ignore her subtle longings.

Whatever the case of Joseph Buquet may be, it did not change the mass destruction of the night when Don Juan Triumphant had been played.

The night when he had lost his only relative, his brother, who was more a father than a brother. A man he had loved and respected dearly.

The same man who had warned him against marrying a chorus girl. A warning Raoul had gone against and defyed. A defiance that had cost Phillipe his life.

And the idealistic happy life as the once Vicomte knew it had drastically changed. He had not let Christine become aware of it, because he had loved her.

A love, it seemed she was eager to murder. Why should his brother have paid for the tumultuous relationship between the Phantom and his Diva, as the eopque had called them.

Why should have Monsieur Piangi? The Managers? Him? The Girys?

It was time to get in touch with Madame Giry. He had only lost his brother. But she had lost a daughter. Had she not have more cause to hate the pair of the ill-fated lovers.

Perhaps she could make his wayward wife realize that Catholics, unlike the English could not divorce. Not that the English themselves did not frown upon such a thing.

It would be alright. Christine still did not realize what the world did to such pagans. Not even after seeing what had happened to her teacher. He could teach her. Punish her for taking away from him the only thing he was relying on. A love for which he had sacrificed everything.

She would learn.

 **Sneak Peek: Josephine and Erika, twin girls named after their respective grandfathers. RR! 3**


	2. Chapter 2

**AN:** This is an unedited free write/rough draft (fair warning!). Now Fiona is not an important character for the story of Erik and Christine. But she is an important chapter in the characterization of Christine and perhaps Raoul's. Plus, she conveniently gives us a new character when we get too to the sixteenth year. The first few chapters will be shorter because we want to get to Erik asap.

Sneak Peek: Adrian De Chagny (son of Phillipe) and Phillipe De Chagny (son of Raoul).

 **Christine**

 _Two Years Later_

She thought, that nothing could be more painful than that day she had found out that her Angel had died.

Not even when Raoul had started hating her, or even when he had started showing it to her without reservation.

Not even when it was made clear to her that Madame Giry had been called for and acted for the benefit of the Comte.

Not even when she had miscarried that first time when her husband had found her again in her lost Angel's domain.

Not even when her only friend, a maid, had become the Comte's, her husband's, mistress.

The countless ironies of her friendship with Fiona were not lost on her. But she could admit to herself, Fiona's ability to distract Raoul from her, was to her a true blessing. She knew Raoul thought it pained her, and she pretended as much, given Madame Giry's sharp eye. But the more Raoul was with his mistress, the less dirty, she, his wife felt.

They were still friends despite both being tied to the by marriage, the other by love. Even if her Angel could have tried, he could not produce such debauchery. And it simply became even more vulgar, as she looked down at the beautiful babe beside the sleeping mother.

Fiona loved him. But Fiona had loved her first. And thus, Fiona avoided choosing a side by accepting her place, even if it meant that her heart kept bleeding every day.

And thus, Fiona stayed, maid and mistress. Friend and lover.

Seeing the man that she loved by day return to his hated wife every night. Knowing that someday her child would grow up to call someone else mother.

They both had found out that they were with child on the same day. They both had gone into labor barely a fortnight ago.

The empathic maid had both the Comte and the Madame by her side that night.

The evil Comtesse had had no one on her side. Not that she would have wanted anyone but her Angel. But then how could she hope for him to be by her side, when she was with another man's child.

That night, the mistress had birthed his son and the wife had become barren.

It was not that she wanted a child beggeted by that man. A child who would have come from a bed full of hate would know no love.

But when she was told that it was unlikely that her womb would ever bear fruit, it was as if something inside her had been shattered. I can never give Erik a child now. That lamented thought, had made no sense whatsoever,. Yet she still had not gotten over melancholy that had set in ever since she had found out that news.

And yet she still stayed beside the woman whom by the world's estimation was her worst enemy. While the truth was that her husband's mistress was the only one who cared about her. Fiona had wanted her beside herself and her child. Again, ironic, was it not?

But it was her maid who had stood between her and Raoul, when Raoul had raised his hand against her in his drunken stupor.

It was her friend who protected her from her once Mother figure's hate.

It was Fiona who was her pillar against the world's disapproval.

It was Fiona, who calmed her fears when those nightmares, new and old returned over and over again.

She envied her only friend's strength. The pity that arose in her breast when she looked at mother and her child, somehow brought shame in her heart for even daring it. Fiona had too much love in her to be anything but hopeful. Christine had nothing but fear in her. Always with the damned fear.

For Fiona. For the child. For herself.

The father of the child intended to separate mother and child, and he expected the mother to bear witness to it, as long as she lived. How could Fiona not hate him even now?

"Christine." That soft but strong whisper cut through her thoughts. She looked into the girl's, no woman's, jade like green eyes. The errieness of them reminded her so much of her Angel. Just like Fiona's lack of propriety and fear of the world. How wrong had she been to think that Erik lived that way because of his face. There were others, she had found, rich and poor, but beautiful people like Fiona who did not care for what the world had to say.

And she resented that comparison. To think that perhaps, Fiona may have been able to love Erik better than her, if her Angel had picked someone like Fiona, rather than the frightened and fickle Christine. That he deserved someone like strong and prettier like Fiona. How the names Fiona and Erik together, had a ring to it. And yet the theory of it was most ridiculous.

Her Angel and her friend had never met, would probably never have met, and could never meet. Then why even waste a minute working into thought an impossible relationship. But she knew that she took any excuse for her mind to once again wander towards her Angel, even if her mind came up with ridiculous ideas.

"Do you need something Fiona?" She asked her hoping to distract herself from her ever present depression. But the maid tiredly shook her head in a denial.

"Everything will be alright." The new mother whispered with an exhausted voice, but a quite determination in her eyes. She did not reply as she watched her fall back asleep.

She wished she could believe Fiona. But she could not, because everything had stopped being alright this very day, a little over two years ago. The day she had left him.

Nothing could compare to the pain that one mindless action had brought her. But somehow she could not shake the feeling that things in the De Chagny mansion were about to take a turn for the worse.

But the most important fact was that, Fiona loved Raoul, despite being arguably treated worse by him. Because there was nothing more painful than unfulfilled love. And yet there she went, doing anything for him. Her love for a Prince, even if he were a tarnished one, gave the new mother hope. And to an extent, Christine understood that love.

It was because Fiona saw in Raoul, the man he could have been. The potential of the man that the once boy had reflected. A man he would have been if it were not for Phillips's death. A death that may have not been, if it were not for her greed.

A charming, strong, and witty man. A man that was bound for the seas, but still had a place in a world that people aspired for.

A man that she had killed. Twice over.

How could she ever believe that there was any hope? And in two years it seemed that Christine's fears came true with her friend's death.


End file.
